Anything but that

Have you ever been afraid of falling asleep? I have.
The dream is the most chockin while having it, afterwards comes the creepie thought if it's true or not. The next day you can't take your mind of of it. You feel guilty.
If someone notice that you're acting is a bit strange, you never tell the truth, even if you really want to.
And when night falls upon the sky your dream makes a new tress passage through your brain, convincing yourself that you won't have the same dream again. Particularly when you, at any time during the sleep, could reveal your deespest secret. By screaming loud for all to hear, without knowing it. Then the interest would lay on the one listening at the other end.

miss you already

What happened? You were just such a small pice of me, but now I feel more lost than ever. It seems that you have forfilled my life with happiness, but did it ever develop to something much more complicated? I beg of you to please stay, but what would that lead to? Even if things won't ever be the same, I'll always remember you as you were. Hopefully, you won't change a bit, and remain just as cheerful.
I don't really know my feelings for you. But somehow, I just can't stop thinking about yours. Did you ever mean anything, or was it only me, my thoughts, the movement, the smile...
Either way I wanted to say, that I love you.

ME.

My head is filled with things beyond reality and insanity. They are no longer fantasies, maybe they never were. It is with great wonder I tell you this, why I do not know. My thoughts are still immortal, but not yet illegal. Why won't it take it's end?
A part of me is still looking, what is there to see. Others are mysteries, like a blur in it's way, contemplating the gift of freedom. The happiness in your life, won't last enough to hold. Like a hand approaching the light, but the sun is not always there to find.
To the end of my story I search behind my shoulder. Something appears to retrieve it's glory. Will I speak upon you or no one?

You never grew up...

Never in my life have I been as completely gone as I am now. Never before have I acted like I'm a little kid, longing to see what's next. The longing grows to disire, and then, there's no one to stop me. The holidays are nowhere to be found. The next thing on the list, I suppose, is summer. So I'll just go get my childish face, to grin at old people, saying "I know something you don't".
But what is it worth, thinking no one else has the same thought. The same wanting, same disire...
My days are counted, your's too. Will you keep my secret, if I ask you to? Will you still be there, when I'm falling appart? Like a child after walking around for three hours or an elefant that's been in the sun all day long, but never alongside the river.
My life is fulfilled. Not with smiles, not with sorrows. But with things I can't explain. Things that's always around, always near but never completed. I feel like I have absolutly no conection and the consequencesare are, well what are they?

Varför försöka, få det till något du inte kan.

Jag visste det... någonstans. Men jag uppfattade det aldrig. Hur kan man? Det är just det det går ut på, ingen kan veta...
Det jag visste nu önskar jag att jag aldrig kunde veta, någonsin. Det ödet som väntar, försvinner i fjärran. Och tar dens plats, gör det vi önskar hände. Alltså kan det aldrig bli som man innerst inne vill att det ska bli. Önskar det fanns nåt man kunde göra...
Nu och för alltid ska nästkommande förbli olyckliga, aldrig nöjda och så långt ifrån förståelse som möjligt. Det är ju det det är? Min önskan kan aldrig vara densamma, vilket liv jag än skulle leva. Våra liv är inte föutspådda, och klara för avfärd. Visst det kan vara ödet, men, vilken väg vi än tar så är det just det, ödet. I tidernas evighet, kommer det att vara så. Jag menar...
- Om du kunde se vad som skulle hända om du till exempel köpte en karaoke-maskin, eller ett schackbräde till en 8-åring. Skulle du vilja veta det då? Skulle det göra någon skillnad, egentligen?